"You're going the wrong way!"
"You're going the wrong way!"
Well, as any old story starts in Wales. “We were bored”. I’ve had my friends come in and out of my life, very few that have kept contact since leaving home but having a mate like Jordan Archer, always keeps life interesting. Maybe it is because we were recalling this story at Christmas is the reason, I am writing about it now.
It’s one that always makes me wonder how, why and really did that happen?
Like I was saying we were bored after football training. So, we are looking about 7:30pm on a Tuesday night. There was a thing that was started. “Bet you won’t, you’re scared see” which meant that you were to chicken to do it. When Jordan turns to you and says let’s go to Merthyr for a KFC and you say these words. There is only one thing. We are driving 1 hour to get a KFC.
Now I need to add the point that Jordan hadn’t passed his test quite yet and I was the adult supervising him in the car. I’m sure we failed to point this out to his mother when retelling the story. It was her car.
So, there we are at around 8pm setting off on the journey to get a KFC. Why we decided to do this I will never know. Neither of us hungry, I guess just boredom.
Travelling to Merthyr was easy, there was no hiccups in that. There never is, simple road. There is no story in that. But what comes next is the story.
Detour
After chowing down on do some fried chicken and picking up orders for the boys. Jordan turns to me says it’s early yet let’s shoot over to Swansea. Yeah mate not a problem I mean it is only 9:30pm not like there is work tomorrow.
So off we go over the top on our detour home. Not a single issue. Tunes on the go, I have no doubt that there was a rendition of The Vegaboyz on the playlist.
To be honest it was a wasted journey couldn’t see anything out the window of the countryside, just eternal darkness.
"How the hell does he know where we are going?"
Dual Carriageway
At the point of turning on to the Dual carriageway to head to Swansea. We couldn’t remember where we were or which road to take on the turn off. So, we picked the 1st one looped around and straight onto the dual carriageway.
Plain sailing on the way home. That was until we saw on the other side of the barriers that a vehicle was flashing the lights and tooting the horn. Now I turned to Jordan and uttered the words “What a f**king idiot”. We laughed and thought nothing of it until another vehicle did the same and this time, we saw them mouth the words.
“You’re going the wrong way!”
This is the point where I turned to Jordan and said. “How the hell does he know where we are going”.
Here is where I am sure Morgan Freeman would narrate. “It was then, the boys knew they were going the wrong way”.
The lorry conundrum
There were 2 huge artic lorries heading straight for us horns blaring. You guessed it we were on the wrong side of the dual carriageway. There was this little Corsa versus 2 lorries. I won’t lie. I have had my fair share of close scrapes before this and thought there would be no more. How very wrong I was.
I am sure we named the car Moses after this as we parted the lorries and drove straight in between them. I am not kidding it was a close your eyes and hope for the best moment. But fair play to Jordan the little learner got us through there. There was a moment of silence that fell in the car. Neither knew whether to laugh, cry or carry on as normal.
After a few mins obviously we laughed about it. But I know at that moment when the two lorries came at us, we had the same thoughts, we would be wiped out like Harry and Meghan from the Royal family.
It’s safe to say we delivered all the boys’ food. All be it cold though we recanted the story to which they all laughed and called us “F’ing idiots”.
So, I guess the moral is don’t be scared. This is where life stories come from.
My top 5 places to eat out under £20 each
My top 5 places to eat out under £20
I thought this time that I would share a few places that I like to eat out under a certain amount of coin. People that know me, know that I’m a bit of a miser. I take after my grandfather truth be told. He taught me very well.
We all know living in London is a nightmare with expenses but there are a few little gems out there, you know. Decent food doesn’t always have to cost an arm and a leg.
Before you carry on reading I am not a vegetarian and neither am I vegan. But I go like beans on toast. These places contain meat. If this offends you I am not that sorry. There is a red x in the corner. But I will say there will be options on there.
Impress me
I can tell what you’re thinking. “But Chez, how the heck do I impress on a date at cheap place”. Well you can impress on a budget. I mean I was single in London for a decent stretch of time. So it comes with the territory that you go out with new people. It’s not always about the place but the company. I mean I took a girl to Weatherspoons on a date. Yeah the old face palm come up there. Sod it if they care about your wallet more than you, then they ain’t for you.
So if you are looking to eat out on your own or impress then I have compiled a list just for you.
So let us begin.
"But Chez, how the heck do I impress on a date at cheap place"
Absurd Bird (Soho) - Bottomless wings
Every Wednesday. £13.95pp
So the first place isn’t really a first date place. It is a place I like to go with my mates. We tend to head to the one in Soho. It is a cosy environment, fits probably 30 people in the whole place.
But what you get for your money is unlimited wings to chew on. They start you off with a bucket. When i say I mean a bucket. This is filled with your desired choice. Personally I like the BBQ ones. But there are 6 different varieties.
Crispy Fried, Dry rub, buffalo, extreme hot, garlic sesame caesar, hickory smoked bbq.
To be honest I did try all of them but the garlic sesame caesar just wasn’t for me. You however might be different.
You know when a meal is good though. When you are able to gross out other people as well as your own friends. By completing the most rip roaring belch humanly possible. It was fowl and I am not talking about the chicken.
The beer is not that badly priced at £4.95 a pint.
Their menu for a normal night is not badly priced and they do have some vegan options on there. If you are going out as a group of you. I certainly recommend this place. You do need to book though!
Le Mercury
Islington
This place I have added is not a deal or anything like that. I believe it is just good value for the money and in regards to the quality of the meal you have.
This i a quaint little place in Islington. You are able to have 2 courses for around £17. Which lets face it, is pretty decent. The menu is not overboard but has enough options to serve everyone. Although there isn’t a huge option for Vegans and Vegetarians.
This is perfect for a date or even entertaining your parents. I have no funny stories here unfortunately except for the fact that I had a lovely time here.
This place does come highly recommended.
Pizza Express
Everywhere
Pizza Express, everyone knows. If you don’t then where have you been the last 15 years. This is my ultimate place in truth if you are on a budget. The food is always good in there, plus it is what it is.
It reminds me of Ronseal. It does what it says on the tin. It’s pizza. Let’s face it where in London can you get 2 x main meals for £10.
Okay there is a bit of a catch here. This is with O2 Priority. But I am sure you can find a mate that is with them. When you get your bill they ask you to go on the site fill in a questionnaire and you get free doughballs which are £4.95.
Me personally I have nothing against a voucher and love one. But you know the waiter hates you with a passion, because if that QR code ain’t working they are typing that (what seems to be) 4000 digit code into the bill.
There is everything here. Gluten Free, vegan Vegetarian everything. With the money you save you can have a dessert.
Zizzi
Everywhere - Only on Mondays
Right okay you may have guessed it, my mobile phone network may be O2. But I try and utilise all these deals as much as I can. Zizzi’s offer a half price on all main meals on a Monday with O2 priority.
This again is a chain restaurant so it is what it is. But unlike Pizza Express, there are more options to choose from making it much better for a date or a party as the offer is extended to 50% discount off your bill.
Again luxury at half the cost literally. if it is a date you can spend the savings on flowers. What a bargain.
I have eaten in the Zizzi’s in Richmond and the service was great and the staff were awfully helpful. So I would recommend this place.
Honest Burger
London
This place is gold. I mean ridiculous. let’s face it their rosemary fries are pure and utter filth! I was introduced to this place around 18 months ago by a work colleague. I have not thanked them enough.
The burger is class and there are a few to choose from. What is great is that their specials depend on the area you are in, so they are never the same. They use local breweries and source their products locally. I am a fan of the Honest Burger (Yes the burger is actually called that). I applaud you to try this, unless you don’t eat meat. They have a plant based menu. Which I am told is nice.
The menu is simple and offers around 5 products but they nail each of them. The most expensive burger there is £13.50 and this comes with fries. Plus a beer £5 decent under £20.
I recommend this place alot and urge to at least try it.
Helped
Well I hope I helped I truly do. i know there will be 100’s of other places that will offer good food under £20 per person. These are just my picks.
Lastly for an honourable mention, if you find yourself in South Kensington at lunch time. head to Phat Phuc noodle bar. Holy sauce that is the best Vietnamese food you will eat. It is street food and beware of the wait. But for under £10 you get a mountain of food.
Pick up sticks and pushbikes
Pickup sticks and pushbikes
For my latest blog I thought I would delve into my past. I roll back the clock to a simpler time. I may have only been around 12-13 years old. Perhaps, most would say I still act this way now.
I wasn’t a bad kid, truth be told. I did however like to get up to mischief. When you live in a small town you know just about everyone. Well, there is not much to do in a small town, not when the closest cinema was 28 miles away.
So, we rode pushbikes and played monster games of fox and hounds, basically the older kids would hunt the younger kids. Like a scene from Lord of the Flies.
Inheritance
When we grow up in these small towns, we listen to what our parents tell us. Listen to what they used to do. A sort of inheritance so to speak. My father was the catalyst of my mischievous ways.
There was a binman in the town, for years and years he was there when my father was a boy and when I was a boy. In fact, he’s still there now. The only difference is he can be found drinking a worthy in the local.
I can safely say now that we used to terrorise this poor man, but again we inherited this from our parents. There was never any malice in this, let me get this across straight away. We would steal his dustbin cart when he would go to the cafe, well hide it around the corner. Shout names at him. I’m pretty sure one of the boys hid in the bin to jump out and scare him, but he just slammed the lid on his head.
“Jennings, you little wanker. I’ll ave you”
Just desserts
There was a group of us one day just cycling on the road up a one way. The people from my home town will know where I mean. We had been quite bored and had nothing to do, there it was, something to do. The binman.
We quickly changed direction and set forward to the target. Minding his own business. When 4 young boys on pushbikes cycled passed. I remember this as plainly as though it happened yesterday.
We all shouted at him. “Chase us”, there were a few more choice word we won’t delve into. Out of nowhere, the binman shouted “Jennings, you little wanker. I’ll ave you”.
How this man knew my family name I will never know. Then looking back on it we know everyone in this town. Being brave I thought I would circle around one more time to hurl abuse. As I approached my target, I did not notice one thing….The pickup stick in his hand.
I cycled passed as I opened my mouth. The pain searing through me, the heat rapidly spreading up my back, holding back the tears. I realised he had only gone and hit me with said stick. I did everything in my power not to cry, but he hit me hard. The boys ahead of me laughing at my pain.
Fast forward
Fast forward 17/18 years, to the Christmas just passed. I walk into the local pub and lo and behold the binman is there. He remembers me after all these years. he turned to me, “Jennings, you’re still a little wanker”.
We proceeded to what could only be described as “banter” back and forth.
I learnt something from that experience in my life though. People like elephants, don’t forget. What we deemed as harmless fun back then, would be classed as something entirely different now. I fully deserved what I got and wouldn’t have anything said otherwise.
The last thing I learnt was… be aware of pick up sticks they frigging hurt
Tubes and strife
Tubes and Strife
Now I am not one to normally complain. Oh, who are we kidding here? I love a good moan.
I have been in the city that is London two and a half years now, fast approaching the third year. There is one thing I notice. The public transport system sucks the very life out of you.
I swear if this was a JK Rowling novel the underground system would be the dementors. From the moment you are entering the station your will to live is being sucked from you.
No right to moan
I am from a small town in Wales called Llandovery. I really do have no right to moan regarding the public transport. There are 3 trains a day to Swansea and 3 to Shrewsbury. These use trains from 1960 that if to full they have to stop the service and bus you. This isn’t for health and safety, this is because train has too much bloody weight in it to get up the hill for people travelling to the nearest beer festival.
So lets face it anything is better than than what I am used to. Yes you are correct. if I was a tourist, but I am not I am a resident here now and I expect to use the train without delays.
As awful as TFL (Transport For London) are they have nothing on my real bug bearer.
"This is because train has too much bloody weight in it to get up the hill for people travelling to the nearest beer festival"
Humans are cretins
You got it by the title above, the real bug bearer to me are humans. They are the cretins on the underground system. Have a bit of etiquette will you? Wait for a person to get off the train, it makes life easier. Every frigging day I have to worm me way through people and squeeze out of the end like a long awaited poo. I am not calling myself a piece of shit.
The other is don’t lean on the central pole. It was yesterday on the circle line at South Kensington. A gentleman said to his wife, lover, significant other. The trick to London and the tube is to have a bit of respect for others. He was being sarcastic due to the one person playing his music on headphones that the whole of the carriage could hear.
Then as the train emptied at High Street Kensington, he proceeded to lean on the central pole. You know the one I am on about the one in the middle of the doors. So every other person including myself had to surf the tube. This is what i call it when you don’t have a hold on handle. He proceeded to be 6-8 foot away from his partner in crime, so decided to shout the conversation at her.
It was lucky I was running late for my film and was getting off at the next stop or I would of given him a very stern look and muttered under my breath at him. This is all we can do in London as people are to nervous of either being videoed or confronted by another that is bigger.
I don’t know where I am really going with the story or neither do i care. Mainly I think I was getting at be considerate to others so it will be returned. We can at least then enjoy the journey that is the tube without having to deal with assholes.
Enjoy your tube rides people. But if all else fails walk.
The first is always the hardest
The first is always the hardest
Everyone always has these great ideas the next Del Boy should we say. “This time next year we will be millionaires”. We all know it is the how on earth do we start. It’s the same as everything. Taking that leap.
For those that don’t know me (This will be all of you probably), I am Chesney or Chez. But after a while I am hoping you will all know me. But not enough to make me talk to you in real life, sod that. It’s the modern age. Do we actually communicate with out mouths now?
Anyways, I have decided to start a blog about my life. I am told that I lead, shall we say an interesting life. So let’s see if this can translate into words rather than a 5 min story down the local pub.
What makes your life interesting?
I see you mouthing this question at your screens and you know what, I will answer it.
I have done a bit of everything in my life. I have played football and rugby.
Yeah so does everyone you knob! – You just shouted this at your screen.
Well if you carry on reading I will continue the list. I have coached football through all ages. I qualified as an electrician but now work in IT. From there I decided this wasn’t exciting so I took up Muay Thai boxing. When this wasn’t enough I though sod it MMA.
Now my shoulder is shall we say ducked! I took up magic as well as the newest adventure comedy. But this is a lie as the newest is writing this blog.
"This time next year we will be millionaires"
Captivated yet?
So that is a brief intro to me and yes I know that was short, but it is only the beginning. There are stories to tell, confessions to say and well other garbage that I want to get off my chest.
If you decide this isn’t for you, I look forward to you tweeting your hate for it. I mean someone will click it and read it. So I thank you in advance for the free publicity.
Stick with me and we will start a new adventure together.